I told my kids to mark their territory once, and when I walked in the living room a minute later, I saw them peeing all over the carpet as their territory... I guess they didn't know I meant mark their height on the wall :|
When I was 13 I texted my mom and told her I was pregnant. The problem is that i meant to say "practicing".
When I was little my family cursed around me. Once my dad was on the phone and called someone a mother****er. Not knowing what this word meant, later that night when my family was sleeping and I was wide awake, my dad walked into my room and I yelled, "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!". I was grounded for 4 weeks. #NotMyFaultHypocrite