One time, when I was eight, I lived in Pennsylvania and I didn't know what a snake was. One day when I was outside in my backyard I saw a snake and I thought it was a giant worm, so I picked it up and ran to my dad with it around my neck and he almost caught a heart attack, that was so funny!!



I'm bisexual but I can't tell my parents because they think it's an abomination.



The girl sitting across from me has the best pair of legs I've seen in a long time. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't married.



I pick my nose and stick the buggers under my school desk... I wonder if some other student will touch them doing the same thing.



When I was 11 I went to my older brother's house and when I walked Into his room. He was in the shower with his girlfriend and her underwear were on the bed, so I sniffed them, but as i did, my brother caught me. #awkward


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